


Did He Do Something to You?

by IChatNotDealWithThis



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, This is ridiculous, Unresolved Sexual Tension, slight crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 03:40:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21237545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IChatNotDealWithThis/pseuds/IChatNotDealWithThis
Summary: Chat Noir is concerned when he learns what Marinette's deal with Adrien is.More so than a friend should.





	Did He Do Something to You?

**Author's Note:**

> Because I wanted to try expanding on my tweet from Twitter.
> 
> I guess this is my first work here.

Chat Noir was pretty sure that he has been careful to never get on Marinette's bad side. He has done all he can from a respectable amount of annoyance to dashing hero whose willing to fetch her a burger at two in the morning during finals.

He was her friend, essentially. A friend who she talked with late into the night in the comfort of her apartment over a bowl of popcorn watching and laughing at romcom movies in her adorable pajamas. A friend whose shoulder she cried on in frustration when a project didn't come together as she hoped. A friend even when he didn't don the mask, who made an effort to see her during their weekly brunch with their friends. Not that she knows he is Adrien, but details.

So generally, Chat Noir and Adrien were on Marinette's good people list. He has not done anything to offend her.

"Fuck Adrien Agreste."

Chat Noir whipped around to look at Marinette with wide eyes. She was glaring down into a fashion magazine and he could catch a glimpse of his face. _Oh god, did I do something to her?_

"Did he do something to you?"

Marinette turned to him confused then looked sheepish. "Ah, no. No, he didn't do anything wrong." Oh good, he was scared of losing his title as her friend for a second. 

She returned her gaze to the magazine before muttering and closing it. His super hearing caught the words "unbelievable," "stupid face," and "pathetic."

Okay, oww. He totally must have done something to her for her to say that. 

"Sounds like something is wrong if he's all those things." He replied. Marinette's eyes widen as she realized, right, super hearing. Her cheeks flushed as she started to flail her arms and sputter words.

"No! No! It's not like that! Really! I was just saying that Adrien is just an unbelievable guy whose stupid face is all over Paris! And it's pathetic on how cool he is! Cause he's my friend with a busy life and modeling and going to university and still making time for his friends and just all-around amazing person! Haha!" She gave him a wide sheepish smile. He tilted his head in confusion.

"Well, that's all nice of you to say." 

"Haha! Right?" Marinette tried to smile wider. Chat narrowed his eyes a little. 

"But you just said 'Fuck Adrien Agreste' while glaring down at that magazine. So clearly you have a problem with him." Marinette's smile fell into a grimace. 

"No, I-" 

"Marinette." Chat put one hand on her shoulder. "I'm here to listen if you do have an issue with him. That's what friends are for. You can just tell me." _So I can fix it._

Marinette jutted her lower lip out in a pout as she crossed her arms and looked down at the floor. She bit it on the side in thought and Adrien couldn't help but think that that's a distracting abuse of her lip. She has nice lips. Why bite on it like that.  
She looked up at him and man, she needs to stop looking cute like that with her big blue eyes. He also needs to stop thinking like this. 

"You won't tell a single soul?" Chat gave her an easy smile.

"Cross my heart and hope to never lose my miraculous." He replied, holding his hand with the ring over his chest. Marinette pressed her lips to a line as the color in her face seemed to rise. 

"I want to bang Adrien." He froze.

"Pardon?" Marinette's face definitely turned red. 

"I want to fuck Adrien Agreste." She looked off to the side in embarrassment. Chat Noir stood stock still cause what in the world. 

Of all the things he was prepared to take, like being a horrible friend, he wasn't prepared for that. 

Marinette wanted him? She wanted to fuck him? Marinette Dupain-Cheng wanted him, Adrien Agreste, to sleep with her?

"Really?" He tried to suppress how much surprise he was feeling. Cause holy moly, Marinette wanted HIM. She wanted him! 

Who wouldn't be surprised to be wanted by the most amazing woman?! It took all of his modeling experience to keep his elation in check from showing on his face cause this was incredible! 

He wasn't blind to how beautiful Marinette was. She had a gorgeous body and god there were many times he tried to not flee too quickly into the night after she's hugged him goodbye in her cute pajamas. Her curves were torture to him every time she presses into him.  
It didn't hurt that she also had an amazing personality and an adorable face. Even when she's kicking his butt at video games, smirking at him with those lowered eyes and pink lips, his little crush on her made him wonder what it'd be like to kiss that smirk off her face. 

Marinette glared at him and frowned. "What, is it so hard to believe that I want him?" His eyes widen and he shook his head.

"No! I'm just surprised seeing as you two are close and all. I just thought you'd, you know."

Marinette pouted while looking down to examine her feet or something. "Just because we're close doesn't mean it's easy for me to tell him I want him like that. Can you imagine? 'Hey Adrien, I know we're awesome friends and all but I really can't stand seeing your shirtless ads of your unbelievable body without wanting to climb on your handsome, stupid face and get you out of your pathetic, designer silk boxers so we can fuck until the sunrises.'"  
She waved her arms around not noticing Chat's face turning red. "He would think I'm nuts!" 

He coughed as he tried to will away the heat traveling south through him. "I don't know about that. You never know. Maybe he's interested too." Marinette rolled her eyes in disbelief.

"Please Chat. I've tried the best I could to subtly let him know I'm interested in him that way or so. He's just too busy to catch on." She sighed and flopped down on her couch. He frowned.

"Well..." He said. "What if you just made your move and said what you just told me to him?" Marinette gave a short laugh. 

"Are you kidding me right now?" 

"No, I was just thinking that if being subtle didn't work, you may as well just climb him and take him for a ride through bang city. That will probably get the message across better." Man, wouldn't that be hot? He can just imagine her dragging him off suddenly and finding a nice dark closet and spending a good amount in there... 

She gave him the flatest look. "Chat Noir, you realize how risky and dumb that would be, right?" _It'd be so worth it, mmm._

"All the more reason to give it a shot. You never know if he'd be into you too and you'd probably make his day by being exciting like that." He grinned at her. 

Marinette scowled. His reasoning was ridiculous because why would that work for someone like Adrien?

"I highly doubt that me suddenly wanting to bone him in his already busy life would be exciting for him. If anything, I'd most likely freak him out."

Chat pouted. He had to convince her to ask him. "Marinette, you wouldn't freak anyone out. Quite the opposite, I bet you could get Adrien to ask you to fuck him." 

He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she let out a laugh. "Okay, now you're crazy."

"C'mon, think about it. All you need to do is seduce him." 

"He's busy, Chat. What do you expect me to do?" Marinette propped herself on her hand as she humored him. He really thought she could convince Adrien? 

"Well..." Chat took out his baton as he scrolled through his own schedule. Perks of having cool powers, he can hack his own civilian phone. So useful.

"You could try to run into him after one of his photoshoots along the Seine under the pretense of getting ice cream and happen to just have missed it, so he could offer you a lift. Though it'd depend if his driver will be there for that to happen. Maybe after his physics class on Friday, you can catch him on his break before his calculus exam and-"

"Chat," Marinette scrunched her eyebrows together as she watched him look up from his baton. "Are you reading his schedule?" 

"Yes? I can hack into people's devices and systems for occasional Akuma work." Marinette knew that. She could also on her Bugphone when an Akuma was really tricky but it was all so complicated to do. All those codes and weird file naming systems. Ugh.

"Chat, this vaguely feels like cheating." He waved it off. He was helping her plan to get into his own pants.  
If anything, Adrien was cheating already for knowing all of this. And more. He grinned at her.

"It's fine. All of it in the name of us thirsty plebians. Look, here is his phone number, address, times that he's available, though of course you never know when an Akuma will decide he's a hot target to go after." Chat winked at Marinette as she chewed on her lower lip. "Oh look! I found where his bedroom is. Do you want to see this?" 

"Chat." His grin fell a little at her flat tone. Oh, maybe he was doing too much. 

"Yes?" Chat looked at her worriedly but she rolled her eyes at him.

"I already know all that stuff. And I still haven't been successful." She sighed as she plopped her head back down on the couch cushions, ignoring Chat's bewildered look. _What? What?!_

"I'm sorry. But why HAVEN'T you fucked him already?" He waved his baton at her as she glared back at him. 

"You deserve whatever man you want and I can't help but be shocked that you know all this info and still can't get into his pants! In fact, I'm offended for you that this Adrien hasn't BEGGED you to rock his world yet! He must be blind or something." Really, did he miss something all this time when it came to being around Marinette? 

Like sure, sometimes he wondered if there were extra meaning behind some of the stuff they did together. Such as that one time he was stuck alone with her in a lingerie shop because Alya and Nino ditched them. Though he was mainly focusing on hiding cause _Adrien Agreste_ being in such a store was more pressing than watching Marinette pick cute pink lingerie. Or was it red? He vaguely remembered her going to try on a red number... With lace. Sexy, black-trimmed lace... Mmm...

Marinette's glare changed to a bemused look at his apparent dismay for her lack of success. "That's sweet of you to say, I guess. But it may just be that Adrien isn't and probably wouldn't be interested in me." She sighed as his eyes snap to her.

"Unbelievable. I bet you hundreds of euros that Adrien would totally jump at the chance to be with you." Marinette raised an eyebrow at Chat.

"You sure are siding with me a lot here." He blinked at her.

Before breaking into his _dramatics_.

"Oh Marinette! It pains me to see one of my best friends pining for a man who she can obviously have but can't because said man is apparently a completely blind loser who doesn't know how lucky he could be. If only there was something I could do besides encourage her to ride him until the sunrises after she finally clues it to the idiot that he's missing out on some special attention from her!" Seriously though, he was a dumbass somehow missing something like THIS? Nino always said he was obliviously blind but he didn't think it was this serious. 

Marinette rolled her eyes and rested her chin on her hand. "Fine, fine. Whatever. Still, I highly doubt that Adrien would want me to break his bed and dirty his sheets with him." Chat coughed and turned pink around his mask. Funny. Thought they were past the awkward sex talks and horny fantasies they talked about tipsy and not so tipsy but tired.

Then again, they never mentioned the names of the people they dreamt of banging. And now that he knows who she's interested in, maybe he's not the only one who feels embarrassed by all this talk of trying to woo Adrien as her cheeks start to burn at that realization.

She stamped down on that embarrassment. This was Chat Noir, her guy friend who was about as thirsty as she was for their crush. 

There wasn't anything to be embarrassed for. 

"So how do you suppose I could get Adrien jump in bed with me?" Marinette was stumped for ideas but maybe Chat Noir had some. He is a guy and had some creative fantasies she could get behind if Adrien didn't mind.

"Uh." 

Chat had nothing. Besides the growing discomfort he wants to deal with but god, how could he convince Marinette to bang him?

He couldn't just walk up to her as Adrien and suddenly ask her to find the nearest closet with him. He wanted something romantic and owed that at least to her. But he couldn't just directly do it out of the blue. But maybe, he could indirectly...

Marinette watched as the gears his head seemed to move but years of being his partner on the battlefield have taught her that that sparkling grin on his face was _so_ not a good idea. "Chat?"

Glimmering wide green eyes looked at her and distantly in the back of her mind, it was times like this that she found that gleeful look on his face adorable, but this was so triggering the caution alarms in her head. 

"Marinette, do you trust me?" 

Okay, now that's not what she wanted to hear. 

"I trust you, Chat, but what's going on in that mind of yours?"

"Just leave everything to me and I'll totally be able to make sure that you and Adrien will be in a bed together, getting to know each other and maybe laid a few times with some choice items." He starting backing away to the exit window, finger gunning to her while grinning. "Just curious, you don't mind water-based lube, right?"

"Chat Noir, what the hell are you planning?!" Marinette moved to go after him as he jumped on the window sill. 

"I'll take that as an OK, don't worry Mari! I have a plan and spoiler, it may involve a dinner reservation, a flat tire, and maybe a great view of the Seine." Marinette narrow her eyes as his expression screamed mischief. 

"And some condoms provided by yours truly for the unsuspecting guy. Along with a few other goodies. Stay safe!" He winked and saluted before jumping out the window with her screeching after him.

"CHAT NOIR, GET BACK HERE OR SO HELP ME, I'LL SKIN YOU ALIVE!"

Andddd he was gone. Great.

God, hopefully, he won't just tell Adrien she wanted to fuck him. But she's sure he wouldn't. 

Groaning, Marinette put her head in her hands as she thought of what the hell could Chat be planning. He knew a little too much of what she'd like to do with Adrien and heaven forbid he actually included some way to implement those fantasies. Should she find her newest lingerie purchase? God, when was this plan happening? Was there gonna be enough lube if he kept his promise??

She moaned again. And wiggled in her spot. All this thinking of Adrien and fucking him isn't getting her off any less, especially now that she figures that there's lube involved. Curse her horny desires. 

Marinette turned towards her bedroom to relieve herself while muttering under her breath. 

"Next time I see Chat, he's gonna wish he didn't get so drunk telling me his disgust of spicy peppers and boiled squid."

**Author's Note:**

> Can't brain anymore. C'mon, he wingmans himself.
> 
> OG Tweet: 
> 
> https://twitter.com/chat_deal/status/1178475454157791233?s=20


End file.
